• Couple chatting inside coffee shop

Five top tips for starting a conversation

Technology enables us to communicate at the touch of a button with people on the other corner of the world, but the irony is that it's also the reason we're having fewer face-to-face conversations than ever before.

But real, face-to-face conversations are the starting point of every great love. Your eyes might have met across a crowded room; your heart may have raced as you exchanged emails or texts, but the words you share when you first encounter one another in person are what really makes or breaks a fledging romance.

If you tend to get tongue tied, or are just looking for a refresher in the great art of communication, follow these tips from psychologist Becky Spelman, and watch your conversation starters go from zero to hero.


Most people enjoy talking about themselves, so it is a good idea to start by asking people a few questions about themselves and their interests. Without being too intrusive, ask them about their likes and dislikes, whether or not they have children, and what their hobbies are. If you display a genuine interest in them and their lives, you will find that conversation flows much more easily.


Did you know that everyone is interesting? It’s true! You might not find everyone interesting at first, but when you start communicating with one another and listening to each other’s stories, if you really listen with interest and openness, you can’t help getting drawn into the other person’s life and you will connect with them on an emotional level.


Remember that you are an interesting, fascinating person with a lot to share. Sometimes people are reluctant to start a conversation because they worry that they are not interesting enough. That’s nonsense! Everyone is interesting, and you are no exception. So what if your family has heard all your stories a million times before? If you are starting to have a conversation with someone new, the great thing is that they’ve never heard your stories and are a brand new audience for them!


Finding common ground can be a great conversation starter. You don’t have to have a lot in common with someone in order to communicate, but it can be really helpful to find something that you share. Even with someone who seems at first to be very different to you, there’s bound to be a point of connection; you just need to find it. Maybe you both love sun holidays, or you are both struggling with a teenage child right now, or you are secretly dreading Christmas; once you’ve found something in common, no matter how small or inconsequential, it will be easier to talk. 


If you try to start a conversation with someone but you’ve already made a series of assumptions about them because of how they are dressed, their accent, their body language, or whatever, you are already creating barriers between you. Be open-minded. Think about how this person before you has a full, rich life, just like you, and be curious to know more about them. You may well find that your assumptions are completely wrong and that you have just found a new friend. 

Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash.


Author: Rebecca

Rebecca lives in London with her husband, daughter and dachshund. She hopes her dating blogs for Flame Introductions will inspire you to seek out the best London and UK locations for brilliant dates, and discover some tips along the way to help you find your perfect partner.