• Woman in bed

Rejection therapy: what's it all about?

Rejection is a painful part of life, and something that can leave deep emotional scars. For someone longing for long-lasting love, fear of future rejection or memories of rejections past, can be a huge stumbling block.

That's where rejection therapy comes in. If you haven't already heard about it, it's something of a 'trend' in self-help circles. That in itself might put you off exploring it further, but if you feel that fear of rejection is negatively impacting your search for love, or indeed any other aspect of your life, then it can't hurt to gen up on this new thang, right?

So what exactly is it? Here's what wikipedia has to say about rejection therapy...

"Rejection Therapy is a social self-help game created by Jason Comely where being rejected by another person or group is the sole winning condition. The player can attempt any kind of social rejection, or try a suggestion from one of the Rejection Therapy suggestion cards available. The game can be played for any length of time, although many undertake the 30 Day Challenge.

"The purpose of playing the game is to overcome the fear of rejection through controlled, forced exposure. By this means, players hope to adapt physically to the stresses of rejection."

So, does it work? 

An author and blogger called Marianne Power took on the challenge and put herself in a situation where rejection was the likely outcome, every day for a month. A short extract of a much longer blog she wrote follows:

“I had spent the last four hours staring at the man in my coffee shop, nursing cold coffees and pretending to work while trying to get the courage to talk to him. I took my caffeinated heart and shaky limbs and walked right up to his table. I prepared to be rejected. And that was the point.

“This masochistic form of self-improvement challenges you to be rejected every day by another human. The idea behind it is that we all live in fear of rejection and it stops us from going after the things we want in life. By actively seeking it out we learn that rejection doesn’t kill us and that people often say "yes" when you think they’ll say "no."

“I have never had confidence when it comes to the opposite sex. Usually I couldn’t even smile at a guy I liked, let alone talk to him. I was too busy imagining all the ways I wasn’t good enough — not pretty enough, not blonde enough. The rejection, I feared, would confirm all the worst things I thought about myself. And so I avoided it completely. Until Rejection Therapy.

“After a few seconds of stunned silence, Mr. Beardy smiled and asked if I'd like to sit down. I said yes. He held out his hand and told me his name [...] and then we were properly chatting.

When the coffee shop started closing, he asked me if I wanted to get a glass of wine. We moved to a bar and he told me he had noticed me, too, and that he would have kicked himself for not coming up to me. He told me that he will say hello to a woman if she smiles at him three times. It made me think: I’d always thought that the girls who got the guys did so because they were prettier and skinnier than me. Maybe they were just smiling more?

“I wondered then whether everything I thought about men — and life — was wrong. I saw that the person who had rejected me most in life was myself — and that had to stop.

After our wine, he walked me back to my train, kissed me, and asked if I wanted to meet up again. I discovered that life can change the moment you stop making excuses and do the things that scare you. Even if that's just saying "hello."”

We’re not necessarily advocating a 30-day challenge, but we can see how exploring your own relationship with rejection, and how this might be holding you back, could lead to increased self-awareness and other positive outcomes. As Marianne Power found, it really all starts with a “hello”. If you’re looking for love, why not make that “hello” one to Flame Introductions? Call us today and we’ll explain how our matchmaking service works. Who knows where that "hello" might lead?


Author: Rebecca

Rebecca lives in London with her husband, daughter and dachshund. She hopes her dating blogs for Flame Introductions will inspire you to seek out the best London and UK locations for brilliant dates, and discover some tips along the way to help you find your perfect partner.