“In the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love,” said Lord Alfred Tennyson. But such fancies aren’t merely the stuff of poetry – they’re scientifically proven too.
Feeling more amorous than you were during the long, cold winter months of dark mornings and even darker nights? Spring fever is driven by the body’s reaction to its changing environment; a wakeup call brought about by the increased amount of sunlight. The plant and insect worlds are waking up to spring, flourishing in the sunlight hours – and so are you.
But what if your heart is saying “find me love!” and your mind is gripped by fear of all that opening yourself up to a relationship entails? We have some advice…
Know that fear is perfectly normal. Anyone who’s been hurt, suffered loss or rejection or the pain of a broken relationship thinks long and hard about moving on. And rightly so. You need time to heal. When you feel moments of doubt and fear, tell yourself that it would be strange if you weren’t feeling that way. The crucial thing is to not let that fear stop you from getting what you want.
One day at a time. Don’t think about what the entire relationship you’re embarking on could look like. Think about what date one could look like. Relationships aren’t about the final destination, they’re about the journey – each date, telephone call and email exchange is a steppingstone in that journey. When you begin to see each milestone this way, things don’t look so scary.
Look around you – the world is full of people who, once dejected and out of love, are now in happy, fulfilling relationships. Why shouldn’t it be the same for you?
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try and try again. Relationships don’t always work out and first dates don’t always turn into seconds, but with each new connection we makes comes a lesson about ourselves and what we’re looking for – all the better for when we do find that special person.
Write it all down. Make a list of all the things you’re fearful of. Be as specific as possible. Think back to past fears you’ve conquered – perhaps starting a new job or moving to a new place - and know that with time, your fear of dating and finding love will also dissipate.
Find a mantra. A short phrase that you can mentally repeat when the going gets tough, to help affirm all your most positive thoughts and banish the negatives. It might help if you think first about the messages you give yourself, and look for a mantra that best assuages those limiting beliefs. Here’s some inspiration:
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear”
– Jack Canfield
“F.E.A.R has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run...or...Face Everything And Rise”
“Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain”
– Mark Twain
“Always do what you are afraid to do”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live”
– Dorothy Thomson
“I think fearless is having fears but jumping anyway”
– Taylor Swift
“True success is overcoming the fear of being unsuccessful”
– Paul Sweeney