It’s no exaggeration to say that my attempts to matchmake disparate friends have resulted in unadulterated, loveless disasters. (Ladies and gents, take heart in the fact that I don’t work on the personal introductions side of Spark Of Love’ business).
I would be compromising the identities of those who still bear mental wounds - inflicted by my meddling in matters of the heart - to reveal details of the doomed romantic encounters I’ve concocted. But my matchmaking success rate can be summed up by responses to my eager text messages sent the morning after the big date (“Wellllllll?” I’d enquire like some kind of love-deranged white witch, signing off with one of those freakish emojis with love hearts in place of eyes): “What were you thinking?” was the standard response. Or worse: “I don’t want to talk about it.” Or worse still: no response at all.
I blame Jane Austen – on whose literature I grew up – and her myriad of meddlesome characters hell bent on matching single men in possession of good fortunes with suitable wives.
My favourite novel was Emma, the eponymous meddler, so deluded that she takes credit for every successful union within a horse and cart ride (her sheer proximity to other humans leads them to fall in love with one another, don’t you know), while artfully dodging responsibility for the disastrous couplings that ensue from her actual matchmaking attempts.
For some unfathomable reason, people actually listen to spoilt, silly, ridiculous Emma. Proposals from respectable men are turned down on her advice, a local vicar is forced to flee to Bath of all places when she insists he marry a woman he does not love, meanwhile a friend remains loyal when Emma herself marries the man she desires. (Little known fact – the 1995 film Clueless is loosely based on Emma; the heroine Cher played by Alicia Silverstone devotes a school term to fixing up ill-matched friends, only to have one fall in love with her while she deludes herself about being in love with her ex step brother. Yes, it’s complicated.)
Then there’s Mrs Bennett, the anti-heroine of Pride And Prejudice, whose every waking thought is devoted to finding suitable men to marry her five daughters. Such is her exasperation with her daughters’ indifference to marriage that when one falls ill with flu, Mrs B takes comfort in the knowledge that she was at least in pursuit of a gentleman when she succumbed to the illness that might kill her. Another daughter is told she will be disowned if she turns down a marriage proposal. Another still is told that “warts and a leer” must be overlooked in a gentleman in possession of a salary of five thousand dollars a year. No wonder Mrs Bennett’s longsuffering husband describes his wife’s matchmaking skills as “positively occult”.
Successful matchmaking is a fine art. At Spark Of Love, potential matches are created after our matchmaking specialists’ careful consideration of the personalities, values and beliefs of our clients, and have gone on to result in marriage and long-lasting unions. So step away from the love potion cauldron, dear Flame-ers and leave yourself in the hands of the experts.
Get in touch with the matchmaking team to find out who they can help you make love matches.