• Question marks in love heart

Official: The 17 secrets to everlasting love

Is there really a secret to everlasting love? An American academic thinks there is. Or, more specifically, there are 17 secrets.

Brian Ogolsky has spent his career sorting through every academic paper published since 1950 which purports to offer insight into what makes a relationship endure while others fall by the wayside. 

“Relationship scientists spend a large proportion of their time predicting why people break up and some of the more negative sides of things,” says Ogolsky, “and I really wanted to dedicate my career to understanding the positive sides of relationship as much as possible.”

Following his careful examination of the data, he claims that there are 17 things that individuals and couples can do to keep their love in the best health. The results are a manifesto for making love last.

1. IGNORE OTHER POSSIBLE ROMANTIC PARTNERS

Even if they think someone else is cute, an individual can avoid breaking up by consciously belittling or ignoring another prospect. 


2. BIG UP YOUR PARTNER

You have to recognise and believe that your partner is brilliant, and that your relationship by extension is too.


3. GIVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

Always believe the best in your other half. Even if they make a mistake, look for reasons why they probably won’t do it again.


4. FORGIVE MISTAKES JUST SO LONG AS YOU DON’T BECOME A DOORMAT

Enough said.


5. SETTLE YOUR DIFFERENCES

You don’t have to agree on everything, but you do sometimes have to agree to disagree.


6. PUT THE OTHER PERSON FIRST SOMETIMES

Sometimes you have to let self-interests go for the good of your relationship.


7. HELP ONE ANOTHER OUT

Ticking little items off your partner’s to-do list leads to stronger interdependence.


8. BE ONE ANOTHER’S STRESS-BUSTERS

Look for opportunities to alleviate one another’s troubles at work or personal dramas.


9. THINK IN TERMS OF TEAM

There is no ‘I’ in ‘T.E.A.M.’ Consider the other person more and the union becomes more solid.


10. GIVE GENEROUSLY

Random acts of kindness don’t need to be huge; little signs of affection make the world go around.


11. SHOW GRATITUDE

Let the other person know you appreciate them.


12. PRAY!

Yep, praying for your partner, whether it’s in religious or non-religious terms, is said to be something that keeps people focussed and together.


13. KEEP COMMUNICATING

Don’t let there become something in your relationship that isn’t spoken of.


14. HOLD REGULAR REVIEWS

Relationship appraisals don’t sound too romantic, but regular check-ins about how things are going can work wonders.


15. LISTEN

If the other person wants to talk, make sure you’re all ears.


16. USE HUMOUR

Diffuse negativity with laughter—just make sure it’s not the sarcastic kind.


17. DATE!

Yep, a good old-fashioned date night is as good as anything else for keeping the spark alive.


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Author: Rebecca

Rebecca lives in London with her husband, daughter and dachshund. She hopes her dating blogs for Flame Introductions will inspire you to seek out the best London and UK locations for brilliant dates, and discover some tips along the way to help you find your perfect partner.