Want to know how to be good at dating? Who better to tell you than those who’ve successfully transitioned from blind date to true love?
1. They make room for love in their life. Not only that but they communicate to their date that there’s room for love. That doesn’t mean you have to explain the second you arrive that you’re free Wednesday through Saturday every week. But consider how it comes across if you bombard the other person with tales about your crazy work hours, chaotic social life and jet-set lifestyle. They’re likely wondering how you’ve made time to meet them for a coffee, let alone how you’d maintain a relationship.
2. They leave their preconceptions, biases and wish lists at the door. If you go out looking for a dark haired, six foot two gent with a job in the city, a flash car and a penthouse apartment overlooking The Thames, you’re limiting your available dating pool to roughly 0.000000001% of the London population (we haven’t calculated the actual maths but you get the gist). People in lasting relationships often tell of how the person they wound up tying the knot with wasn’t their “type”. We love the Paul Coelho quote: “You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.”
3. They’re prepared to try something new. Of course we want to have something in common with our partners, but rarely do two people like all the same things and nothing more. If your prospective partner shows an interest in your hobbies and activities, extend the courtesy. You might discover a new passion in the process, and even if archery, teapot painting or a ghost walk of London tunnels isn’t going to be your new favourite thing to do every Sunday afternoon, you’ll have discovered something about your date in the process. Our differences can be every bit as attractive and interesting as our similarities.
4. They listen. Most of us aren’t as good listeners as we think. “Sometimes,” says communication expert Kevin Murray, “the most inspirational thing we can do is give someone a darn good listening to.” If you’re a chatterbox, especially make sure you’re taking time to really listen to the other person. Listening is the key to understanding, and understanding is the key to closeness.
5. They’re happy. The old cliché about needing to be comfortable with your own company before you can expect anyone else to be is very true. Wanting a partner to plug a gap in your life is a pitfall maybe people fall into. Think in terms of a partner as someone who can broaden your life, and see it as your own responsibility to fix any issues you may need to work on.
We adore this video of one of Britain’s longest married couples (their relationship outlasted three monarchs and two world wars), discussing what’s made them work.