• Woman in bed

Dealing with first date nerves: top advice from the luckiest in love

Even a seasoned dater might be prone to the odd attack of butterflies in the tummy as the time approaches for that big first date with someone you've been getting to know over phone or email.


The more you can relax, the more likely you are to enjoy the experience and make a good first impression. But that's easier said than done. If you're still struggling with sweaty palms and a racing pulse, here's what Reddit users who've been there, done that and bought the T-shirt have to say...

1. BECOME A REALLY REALLY GOOD LISTENER...

"The more dates I went on, the more I learned how to be a generally good date. Learning how to hold good conversation is the most important part. People like to talk about themselves, so get the other person talking about themselves and ask follow-up questions to demonstrate that you're listening, while also jutting in whenever you have relevant asides or similar experiences to share. At minimum, that should get you through the first drink and by then you should have inside jokes and plenty of conversational points to jump off, or you're comfortable enough to introduce a new random topic. One rule I try to go by is that I should be finishing my drink before she finishes hers. It's not always a fair barometer, but usually it's a pretty good indicator that she's talking more than me and that's always done well for me."


Reddit user Runbmc717


2. KEEP PERSPECTIVE

"Remind yourself half the battle is already over. You got the date. That indicates that the person you are with is already interested in you in some way, shape or form, so you're golden. Just take a breath, remind yourself that you're awesome, and do your thing. Keep it simple."

Reddit user Purples_A_Fruit


3. LAY SOME GROUND RULES THAT MAKE YOU COMFORTABLE—NO PRESSURE TO SHARE THOSE WITH YOUR DATE.

"I make my first dates really low key. Coffee shop or ice cream or something like that. I arrive 10 minutes early which gives me some time to calm down. Find something else to think about, be it ice cream flavors or the menu while (!) wait. Kissing is not necessary even if your date is amazing. Move at a pace that is comfortable for you. Personally for me, I generally don't kiss until the 2nd date. I have not been on a single date where that has been an issue. Lastly, the more first dates you go on the easier it becomes. I used to be super nervous, now it's not too bad, that has just been practice."


Reddit user internet_observer


4. SETTLE YOUR STOMACH AND KISS GOODBYE TO THE BUTTERFLIES

Unless you have an active date planned, go into the date with a full-ish stomach. Get your parasympathetic nervous system ("rest and digest" rather than "fight or flight") going so you might be naturally more calmed down. Also, you may be less tempted to overeat if your date involves food. I've gone into dates too hungry and perhaps ordered too much. Contrary to some restaurant advertisements, I don't think too many women are actually, legitimately impressed by a man that eats large quantities of food in one sitting."

Reddit user berwood


5. GET IN A POSITIVE FRAME OF MIND

"Reframe it. You're not going on a date. You're going to whatever place with this new person that you share some similar interests. You want to see what else you have in common to start building a friendship. So, you have no pressure to act any particular way; just be how you are around your friends. The point is to see if everyday you and everyday they mix well."

Reddit user geargirl


FEELING NERVOUS ABOUT DATING?

A professional matchmaker knows what a first date means to you. To find out how we can help fix you up with a great first date, get in touch with us today.


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Author: Rebecca

Rebecca lives in London with her husband, daughter and dachshund. She hopes her dating blogs for Flame Introductions will inspire you to seek out the best London and UK locations for brilliant dates, and discover some tips along the way to help you find your perfect partner.