• Fireworks

Chemistry: can you really have it with just anyone?

It's that elusive component every first dater is looking for: chemistry. Can you magic it up out of nowhere even with someone who otherwise ticks all the boxes? Probably not. But if there's even the smallest something brewing between the two of you, is it worth hanging in there just to see?

Well quite possibly. If we had a pound for every time we've heard someone talk about the chemistry being "there but not quite right", we'd be able to fund an entire Bonfire Night's worth of sparks for every city in the UK. For just like chemistry in the lab, not every original concoction leads to periodic table-like success. Sometimes you have to stick at it, tweaking your ingredients, examining the reactions and adjusting the bunsen burner accordingly before you hit upon that magic compound.

Okay, that's enough metaphors. How do you actually build up your natural chemistry to set your union on fire?

1. INJECT SOME ADRENALINE

Research has shown that couples who meet in exciting circumstances tend of be more attracted to one another than those who settle for chats over coffee. So once you've established you'd like to spend more time together, look for ways you can add some thrill. See our feature London: Best date venues for adrenaline junkies.


2. BUILD RAPPORT

Chemistry is born of a good rapport, which in turn stems from your ability as a twosome to connect over something or everything. Seek to discover what it is you bond over—whether it's a passionate love of something, a strong set of opinions you can agree on, or an issue you can happily clash over. 


3. LAUGH TOGETHER

Laughter puts people at their ease and if you can laugh together, it's a fantastic base on which unions can thrive in a way that leads to lasting sparks. You don't have to be a stand up comedian (though going to see one you both admire is a great idea for a date); you just have to let yourself relax enough to share your funniest stories, and know when to laugh in all the right places when it's your date's turn to entertain.


4. RELAX TOGETHER

All too often, dates can feel like something of a performance. You're so busy trying to put your best self forward that you're failing to show the true 'you' in your most natural form. Try to bring to your date whatever it is that helps you feel most relaxed—a glass or two of your favourite wine, a particular backing track or a favourite location that has a flaming effect on your. Whatever, in short, brings out your best, most authentic self. 


5. BE OPEN AND HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT

We're well aware that there's a fine line to tread with this one. We're not suggesting you lay all your cards out on the table from word go. After all, nobody wants to talk marriage and babies on a first date. But when the time feels right, do be clear, in a non-agressive way of course, about what it is you wish for yourself. After all, if revealing your plans to live abroad, have a large family or have no family at all leads to the other person scarpering as quickly as they possibly can, wouldn't you rather find out sooner than later?


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Author: Rebecca

Rebecca lives in London with her husband, daughter and dachshund. She hopes her dating blogs for Flame Introductions will inspire you to seek out the best London and UK locations for brilliant dates, and discover some tips along the way to help you find your perfect partner.